Life and all it's tangles

And so it is that I'm still trying to woo this chick but you'd be proud to know that after about 3 months of some serious back and forth in my head I think or rather I hope that I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to change this girl's mind.

She just doesn't "Sway that way" were the words I finally got her to even say about the subject.

A few times she has said, "but you never know"... so of course I only comprehend that part of the conversation up and jump on the wagon with that... disregarding the fact of her stating plainly she doesn't sway that way...

Lord knows I tried and tried to sway her, and it was even fun at some times getting wrapped up in the "fantasy" of it all.

Perhaps that is all it was.

I didn't want it to be.

I saw this broken winged bird and did everything I could to make her fly again.  But you know I'm not even sure if she needs to be fixed and really who am I to be walking around thinking it's my job to fix broken people... Especially when I'm so broken...

But I'm not sure that she even lives on any type of emotional plain...  perhaps one day she woke up and said, "Fuck it, I give up caring"...

It's such a shame The L Word was just fiction... Shane was a great character who I admittedly am still obsessed with... but just like the character, to think Kate is exactly this person in real life is absurd, but as I see from all of her fans, they really see them as one and the same person... I bet deep down, She wishes she was famous for something more than the very simplistic character that Shane was...

In any regard, whenever I talk to my girl about things going on in her life, she gives only a quick summary...

Is it because I'm not worth going into any detail for?

Is she so used to not discussing things about herself to any length?

Maybe she is emotionless, some people are and just don't have it in them at all to expand conversations into anything more than what they are.

I sound so bitter and maybe I am to a certain level,

It's really late and I get very antsy when I stick my hands into my insides and scoop out the guts to play around with them for a little while, mix them up and then stick them back inside so that I can keep on going...

Of course then again, it goes back to all the personalities I have within me, one of them takes over and I live that "Denise" for a while... only to wait until another one shows up...

God's Peace to you as always,

I know I've been seriously lacking in any of my spiritual beliefs lately...

He knows what is in my heart, I hope it's still goodness...

Sorry for such a dark post, I'll be better...