Oh God Help Me...

Well, Life certainly has a way of reminding you of your past...

Someone from mine found me on Facebook and now I am overly obsessed with him...

He used to visit this blog but he told me (yes we did speak once recently) that he only has mobile internet and I don't think he remembers I have a blog...

Ok so here's how it went down...

My aunt and cousin came up to spend a few days with me because of all the shit going on with Serg and Keith and me being so lonely they decided to come cheer me up...

So My aunt and I are just casually talking in the livingroom and I am just checking my facebook really just spying on my daughter's page to make sure she hasn't posted anything inappropriate and lo and behold, a red notification is looking at me... so I go check it and OH MY LORD... It's BELOVED...

I know, I'm as shocked as any of you people who still read this crappy blog are... I bet you had to scroll back and see which guy "Beloved" was...

To save you a trip, he and I had met online I believe it was in 2002 because I was still married but EX and I were on the skids and well we all know how that turned out in 2003... so anyway beloved and I chatted for a while becoming very cool friends and basically it was an on again off again friendship with me constantly begging for us to meet and him agreeing and then disappointing me in the end and not showing up...

Then skip ahead about 3 years and he comes to meet me finally and we spend a great 4 day weekend together...

Unfortunately, things went downhill, but there was a point in time when he and I were so in sync... he would send me songs and I in return of the feelings we wanted to express to one another... I fell so hard for him...

anyway... I kept begging for his attention and finally I went to find it in someone else... when I realized I had fucked up, he told me he loved me but he wasn't in love with me anymore and it ended...

anyway...

so he looks great, in between this last 5 years, he met someone and got married, had 2 children and they are separated...

Isn't that the most IRONIC FUCKING THING EVER?

I mean here me and Serg are with him moving out, and now "D" has separated?

I swear it's always been that way...

For some cosmic reason We keep finding our way back to one another...

I don't get it...

so now... I have spoken to him twice but with his kids and such and he seems to have alot of lady friends too so I'm pretty sure he is quite busy but I can't help but wonder...

WHY DID HE FIND ME?

Out of all the people in the world?

Why me?

I am so afraid of what to do, I end up doing nothing waiting for him to make the next move, and then get so sad that nothing happens... anyway...

I will just have to keep a facade up when it comes to him because lord knows we both have alot of crap going on in our life at this exact moment...

Oh man let me get a grip, this is so silly...

Yeah I'm leaving... y'all just skip this post...

God's Peace

Denise