Random 2am Thoughts

You know that saying "Hindsight is 20-20"?

I hate that cliche with a passion but it really is true...

By the way How y'all doing? Sorry I've been gone so long...

You ever imagine or rather how often do you imagine that if you took a different road in life your circumstances would be so much different?

I mean that is kinda redundant because of course if you took a different path in life the situations turn out differently...

What I mean is... I was just reading over past posts and on one I put "I hope I don't ever have to write that having Sergio in my life was a mistake" or something to that effect but I should have known it wasn't going to work out...

It's been over for a while truthfully but I keep hanging on...

I think guilt over him moving here for me and because I feel so high and mighty that he will never get anyone else and die a lonely death without me are my biggest fears...

such conceitedness in that statement but that is how I feel...

It was about 2am when I started this post and I took an hour break to go and talk to some stranger online about his relationship problems...

Here I was just writing on here and some guy in North Carolina throws a "are you real" line to me on yahoo...

anyway he kept writing about how he owns his own business and that he is going to be making alot of money come summertime, blah blah blah...

the biggest thing was his mentioning of his current girlfriend and how she is never happy...

"boy can I relate"... Nah I should not say that, all they see at work is my Happy side, and sometimes it is "bearable" here at home...

Back to the Sergio thing...

I always figured people said that "used up line" about having "grown apart" as a cop out for being in a rut but now here I am positive that is what my situation is...

I have come to the realization of facts that now make me wish for something different in my life...

I am not too much into astrological signs but being a Pisces shows that "I am the type of person that will bail upon not getting my emotional needs met"

that is such a very true statement...

I am ready to move on emotionally...

I love him... I want the best for him... But it's time...

really we are only roommates these days... He's been living in the other end of the house for well over a year now...

we have a few seconds of "wham bam" every couple of months... why? I do not know...

I'm so angry with myself.. Y'all read all the posts of me praying to meet someone that would love me unconditionally...

and he did/does...

He is the only man that ever "got me"...

He stuck around all the times I took life's troubles out on him...

anyway enough of him and me...

Lemme see what else I can say...

to update anything at all I guess I could say that I've had 2 dreams about "HIM"...

they were a while back... and then more recently a month or so ago...

the most current I remember something about being in his wife's bedroom beside a white wicker laundry hamper hiding...

I remember sneaking out somehow crawling and running into one of this children who didn't seem to notice or care that I was in his house...

Seems I made up some shit to pacify him and I left...

That's all I remember...

I will say this... I can still smell his cologne... I still see him running his fingers through his hair in habit fashion... I remember his voice... well that one might be because I recently played one of his cd's he gave me a long time ago...

I have talked a few times recently to a past lover of mine... I'm not sure why I allowed him to get too near again... I guess I'm beginning that branching out thing I always tend to do...

I miss "RAIN"

It's Bitter Winter

I'm ready for some "SUNSHINE" literally and figuratively speaking...

God's Peace!

Denise