16 days?

I can't believe 16 days have went by without me blabbering something to y'all...

Lemme see what I can come up with...

"S" and I are positively fantastic... At least that is what I want you to believe...

Nah seriously... Everything is ok between us except that our time together of course by way of telephone or internet camera and microphone are basically of me blasting into him about making the move to do something to show me he is serious about moving here to South Carolina...

But then I get him retaliating with some kind of superiority complex speech and shooting off his mouth thinking I'm listening to him... Like I'm actually going to bow down to some "MAN"... (as if)

We got into an argument yesterday (one of many) because I had lied to him about talking to my cousin when I was actually talking to "sick guy"...

Yes, I was having a legitimate conversation because he had a part from my sunroof and was checking on getting me a dealer part at cost and so we were discussing that... He mentioned a little something about his latest live-in finding a personal ad on some website and so she moved out and now he's a bit lonely and also mentioned me giving him a sexual favor but I'm definitely not jumping on that...

Now you tell me, If I had told him from the start that I was talking to sick guy, y'all know he would have just hung up the internet or whatever communication we were doing and not give me a chance to explain... So I chose to lie first and then explain when he and I were in a very casual moment that I could just throw it at him...

When I did tell "S" who I was actually speaking to he didn't immediately leave but rather made an asshole out of himself and then made me disconnect from him and make me blast out at him... and anyway it's over for now...

The fact is that no matter how I look at it, I don't see that he trusts me at all... I don't think he has trusted me since he met me...

aghhhhhhh lemme get off of that...

So Big daddy and I hung out on Wednesday at the gym for a while and it was nice just being casual friends without me having so much emotional energy that I'm blinded by it and end up saying stupid things... I can see where I would find him attractive somewhat, but that I was so "IN LOVE" with him is so hard to believe... It's amazing that I feel absolutely nothing for him these days...

So I guess that is about it, been doing a few things here and there and I keep changing my mind as to whether I want to stay in South Carolina or else pack up and move to "S" or even move to where the kids are... I seriously am having a hard time with that and wish someone would just take my hand and direct me in where the hell I'm supposed to be...

Lately my "NOT FITTING IN THIS WORLD" persona has reared it's head on numerous occasions only to be satisfied everytime by "S" telling me that I belong to him and with him because he loves me... Isn't he just the sweetest... He listens to me whine and sob and blubber over and over again and most of the time he is so patient but I do wear his patience so thin... I hope that is something that regenerates because he will definitely need alot of patience and understanding to take us into the years to come...

Sorry about the overloaded boring post, it is mostly for me to review for analyzation in the future...

Be Kewl!

Denise