Open and Honest...

Ok so I've wrote the last couple of posts with a bit of hesitation because, let's call him "S" now knows this blog address and since we've met, I didn't want to incriminate myself any further than with what I have already conveyed...

But now he knows everything (well almost everything)which I must reiterate is so fucking nice not to be judged and dismissed to the roadside because of what you've done in your past...

Also, I know everything about him now too...

Before ya start saying, "Denise what the fuck are you talking about?", He sent me his pictures last night...

Lemme describe the scene...

We had been talking while he was at work until the early evening last night, then we took a break to get some work done because in the last week we haven't done shit but be on the phone with one another...

So about 10pm last night he logs onto yahoo... I yell for Sara (Keith was asleep)to come to me and hold my hand while his picture uploads... So she sits in my seat with me in front of the computer I'm nervous as hell, praying that he is attractive to me... Both me and Sara are giddy with excitement chattering away, waiting for the file to open and when it finally does, when his face is before us, We both didn't speak for about 2 minutes... I don't know why we didn't, It's just we didn't really know what to expect...

You can call me a mean superficial bitch, because I said that about myself too many times, but the first thing that popped into my head was that he looked just like a leprechaun... I admitted it to him later and he said laughingly that when he saw them he thought the same thing...

However,

This is continued post from yesterday and last night being Friday night, he bought a webcam for me to be able to see him... I must tell you, I have nothing to worry about in the looks department... Yeah he is missing most of his hair, and he has this gray goatee thing going on making him look much older, but he is sexy to me and that is what matters...Here I was thinking that he was this little short fat fucker but believe me when I tell you... THAT MOST DEFINITELY IS NOT THE CASE... He has this kick ass compact body and NO, I haven't seen it Unclothed...

Yet... "GASP"

I am going to see where this goes with him folks, that is all I can say for now because for one thing, he is a little on the conceited side, arrogant (which I'm trying to chalk off to American vs Italian attitude) and most of all, we drive each other crazy, constantly debating with one another and I am not sure I can handle it or that he can either... We are two very explosive passionate people and it comes through in almost every conversation we have... It might break us up before we even get started...

Ok so enough of him... "D" has stumbled back onto this blog and left me a rather rude comment on one of my prior posts telling me how much of a player I am and that I'm a promiscuous girl... Yes, I have been somewhat promiscuous in my past with men that I sincerely sought out relationships with... I look back over my past and I see that all of the men I attempted relationships with, were the ones that left me...I never left them... (Even the ones I should have left)I always put 1000% into it to try and make them work with no success...

Anyway as y'all well remember, I was totally hung up on "D" at one point and I tried on numerous occasions (off and on for 3 years) to get it right with him... I do not have remorse or regret any longer concerning him. We would have never worked out and I am so grateful that he kept me at arms length until I finally had enough and can today, definitely say that I HAVE MOVED ON... NEVER TO GO BACK...

As far as "Big Daddy", all I can say right now is that I realize my obsession with him is not healthy, "S" knows all about it and knows that I truly want to let "Big Daddy" go in my head (heart needs a little time) because it surely is not worth continuing to seek out and now that I have someone that I feel is truly wanting to be with me and thinks I'm worth getting to know, I think I can try once and for all to LET GO...


Here's to all of you including me who are beginning those fantastic moments in a love affair when everything is clear and crisp, where everything seems just a little brighter in the world, where you walk around singing little tunes and you can't stop grinning like a friggin hyena...

Please God make the moments continue and not let me fuck this up like in all the past deals...


Denise