666

There isn't anything especially exciting to write about these days, but I guess I'll just write the most current goings on even if not really worth blogging about...

Married man is getting under my skin something awful... Let's see where I left off... It's been mostly me going down to his office because it is so convenient for him not to have to get off his ass not to mention the fact that his office is secluded enough that our little trysts are well hidden from society and not likely to be found out by anyone just casually walking by... Take for instance yesterday... He wrote me an email as soon as he came into the office which was not until a little after 2pm because he had been in meetings out of the office all day...

him: You there?

me: Hey, how yu?

him: tired, need love

me: me too

him: coming down

10 minute pause because I got busy and couldn't email back right away

me: headed that way

I walked in... Wait, let me back up and just describe to you that this long walk that I take to get to his office, I am steadily having a battle in my head with myself and hyperventilating trying to catch my breath because I know that my alternate personality is about to come out and I will become "good time girl" that the men love to be around because I am so firtatious and hassle free...

So.. I walked in and "assumed the position" sitting in the chair across from his desk watching him fiddle with the mouse to his computer probably clicking away sex emails with some other bitch in the neighborhood... We made idle chit chat for the first few moments as we normally do and then he stands up and says, "Gimme some love"... This is followed by my "shit eating grin" and us kissing and chasing each other's tongue around... He sometimes will cop a feel of my tits or reach around to grab a cheek of my ass... We then will take our seats again and have more chat...

The one thing that saddens me is that our talks are hardly ever anything of substance... I don't know if he just isn't mentally capable of any sort of discussion topics, or if he just doesn't view me as a type of person that he really wants to actually take the time to talk to about anything requiring brains... Anyway, we usually end these sessions with me standing to announce that I need to return to my office unless we've gotten into a talk about something concerning our relationship or lack thereof and he's said something to make me storm out or else I've said something to aggravate him and then I leave silently... Most of the time it's a friendly goodbye and I walk the lonely walk back to my office with a heavy mind and full of lust in my heart...

I know I'm falling fast (tell ya something you didn't know right?)...

But... Here's what led to last night... It's another long paragraph.. ya got time?

If not I totally understand...


So I leave work headed to the gym... As I am about 5 minutes out of my work parking space, I see the light on my cell phone because I can't hear it with the stereo jamming... So I grab it and see it's him... Hmmm... unusual for him to be calling me after we've said goodbye for the day... Well, he blurted something out and next thing ya know he hung up on me... So I called him right back and got no answer and told him to call me back... I was nice at this time.. But a few moments go by and I am getting really agitated... Don't be calling me and saying something that I didn't understand, hang up in my face and then not answer when I call back... So I called again.. still no answer.. So this time my message was, "Hey I didn't hear what you said answer the GD phone I don't like being hung up on.. call me back, "... As I pulled into the gym I thought he might not have called me back because he knew he'd be seeing me shortly inside.. Nope, he wasn't there...

I went to do my thing and when I came back out he had called leaving a message that his battery was dead and he'd try to call later... I went on to get the kids and long story summed up, we went to see the new movie "THE OMEN" since it was 6/6/06 and all... It was funny to be in a theatre with all these people who were scared shitless from some of the scenes... I couldn't help but think about how all these people (it was a sold out show) would bust ass to come see this devil movie (myself included) but yet I bet half of them don't even go to church as they should (myself included)...

When I got out to my jeep after the movie where I had left my phone, there were 6 missed calls from him... I was tripping out because the calls had started like at 9:15pm... He has never called me later than maybe 6pm before... One of his messages said that he'd just ridden by my house and that he guessed that he wouldn't be getting any warm lips tonight... (utoh.. it's on now y'all!!!)

I guess the biggest thing that I find ironic is that just after seeing this movie, I'm having this big battle in my head about trying to live my life right so I don't go to Hell and then I get to my car to find that the devil is steady working on me as hard as he can to get me to just totally hand my soul over by getting me involved in a totally sinful relationship with "married man".... (who it just so happens was off work today and just called me a second ago to say hello... SEEEEEE?)

So folks though I know it might have taken you a couple of days to get through this rather monotonous boring post, my message basically boils down to this...

I AM HALF DEMON AND HALF ANGEL... THE DEMON SIDE OF ME WANTS TO DEVOUR THE ANGEL SIDE AND NO MATTER HOW I TRY TO KEEP MY ANGELIC SPIRIT, I KEEP RUNNING SMACK DAB INTO THE GATES LEADING INTO HELL...

I'm scared... Not just scared, I mean deathly... frantically... afraid... I want "married man" but no matter how I try to justify that we could work this out in a way to be able to be together and build a life together in the future that isn't sinful, it will always be rooted from SIN...

Be well...



Denise