Here I is...

Wow, I reckon this is the longest I've been able to keep my mouth shut on here...

It isn't that I was hiding out or even purposefully not writing, time just slipped up on me and before I knew it a week has blasted by...

But I think I'm about to blast out a whopper of a post... I'm just gonna let it fly....

Let's see, quite a few small things have happened so hmmm... where to start??...

My son is acting out for some reason and as his mother it is driving me insane to call and always get something new as far as what trouble he has been getting into at school... Latest thing was he stole his teacher's work badge and unbeknownst to everyone, it is a big offense for stealing school property and so for punishment my son has to be in a program called AEP.. Alternative Education Program which basically means for the rest of the school year (15 days), he has to be in one classroom all day long, no switching classes, he isn't allowed to be at any after school functions... I think it sucks... But what can you do or rather what can I do being 1800 miles away... I told "Ex" and "Step-Ma" some time ago to put him in therapy to find out things... It would help him too I think.. Some people might be thwarted at the suggestion of a 12 year old in therapy but with all the shit that kid is doing, he really needs to be... The newest thing he did this weekend was to steal his dad's lighter and was burning paper stuff in his room... After talking to a few people about this, they say that is a natural "BOY" thing... But bad shit can happen with fire... I'm worried shitless... I never have problems with that kid when he is here I guess because it's Summer and he's not under such restraint as in School... During the Summer you give him a Skate Board, some Little Debbies, a Bike and some Ramen and my boy is great...

So that's it on my son for now... My Daughter well, She doesn't ever do anything wrong but I will say that when she gets here I have to go bra shopping for her... She doesn't officially have Tits yet, but she has started that little shyness about covering them up and when I felt them up (Gasp...yes I did, I'm her Mom) at Christmas, they were hard little buds so I had told her then that we'd do it this Summer... Her little cute self... I bet her time to act out is coming to fuck with me isn't it?

Hmmm... Now we get to MEN.....

Grrrrrrrrr... I don't know if I've ever explained my expression and meaning when I type Grrrrrr.... but it signifies complete utter frustration... Just in case ya wondered...

Ok so... Let's start with the easy and less complicated one.. "D"... he had called for a few days straight in a row and as cruel as he had been to me I should have treated him like shit when he called but NOOOOO.. I was completely nice and had a complete attitude of fake ditsy girl with the high pitched voice... "Ohhh???.. yeahhh!!!!.. Okkkk... I'm so glad you called... Blah blah blah." .. makes me wanna puke..

We did word scuffle a few times, and as soon as his tone got to a level that I deemed unacceptable, I said Ok, I gotta go, or else I said.. Bye "D" and would hang up on him...

Anyway the huge CANNOT BELIEVE that he did this bit was that he sent me and I may have already told you, but he sent me a short video clip of him wanking off.... (yes he did too) At first I thought it was to be evil but when I questioned him about it he said he thought I might like it... I won't lie, after the initial reaction of being grossed out, I got into it and admit that it made me tingle a little...

He told me it was my turn to send him one.. YEAH RIGHT BUDDY! I'm not going to put anything on film, picture, tape, etc that could ever be seen by someone other than it's intended victim to be torture to me for the rest of my life.. NO WAY...

Ok so let's see: That leaves "married man"... Double Grrrr... I need to do some really deep self analysis to understand what it is that I am doing with him...

Yes some of his actions do remind me specifically of "HIM", and I hate if that is the only reason why I'm so attracted to him...

Thursday afternoon during after hours, I met him in his office and we crossed a little more of the invisible line... It was a little erotic actually.. No I didn't have sex with him in his office though I know he'd have liked that.. and all I'm thinking these days and it's pure sick of me to be thinking of this, but how does a big man have sex? I know that of all the things I could be thinking what in the hell inspires me to think of this? I haven't a clue but I still wonder about it...

Anyway, ummm... I went to Savannah this weekend and he called me twice checking on me Friday night on my drive.. That's a first of him calling me during off hours... It was nice... Today was a different story though, he wrote a quick email and asked me how my trip was and that he had a long meeting today so I didn't see him at all today... I saw that he hadn't read my email until after 7pm tonight and didn't write a reply so... But it really is cool because I have prayed and prayed to get the balls to walk away from this and gather the courage not to get involved in this... I really do not want this... But I'm an Emotional vampire... I crave the thrill of attention...

So.. There ya have it.. My kids will be home in 12 days... So excited...

Ps: Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away" has played repeatedly during the writing of this and it's now 10:30 as I click send to public and you can see what time I started it...

Killer ass Song...


Be well..


Denise