This title describes exactly how I feel these days...
Crying enough to fill up a bucket and then last night I finally said "muther fuck it".. I AM POWERLESS TO CONTROL THE LIVES AND ACTIONS OF OTHER HUMAN BEINGS...
Specifically my Ex...
I spoke to him last night and it was certainly better than the night before whereas he was screaming at the top of his lungs at me that if I didn't sign the "G-DAMN FUCKING" papers that were being served to me he would make my life a living hell... Such terrible threats and Y'all, with "Step-Ma's" money he very well could...
He has me scared shitless, and I don't want to make the situation worse than it is... Last night he swore to me that his drinking was under control and that if the kids actually came to him and told him they wanted to live with me that he would not have a problem with it at all...
So basically, to sum up shit, we talked for a good long while, "Step-Ma" not being home and he was very gracious to me... He said he still loved me very much and that he wishes I would just trust him... He promises me that the papers coming to me are what we discussed in person while I was down there at Christmas... That it is Him and I both sharing Custody but that he would be Custodial parent because that is where the children go to School and he does...wait strike that... "SHE" does support them financially...
Anyway as the Attorney here that I hired says, "Let's just wait and see what the papers have to say"...
"Beloved" has left the building... I haven't heard shit from him which is good to know because it actually made me give up... I know he's got some shit going on, but I know he reads this and he didn't even bother to give a courtesy call to let me know he's sorry I got major shit going on too..
So... Forget what I said, I don't know what the hell I was thinking, I don't want that asshole... He can go suck a dick for all I care because he certainly never gives a thought to anyone other than himself... Ok yeah, I'm mad, but damn... I at least had the sentiment enough to call and let him know I was thinking of him while he's going through his shit and did it while I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SHIT... But I guarandamnteeya he is the type that thinks his crisis is the most important in life... Well, actually, what person doesn't think that? I mean you readers might have some major shit going on in your worlds and it has priority over anyone else's shit doesn't it? Well, my tribulations are most important to me too, but at least I tried to reach out to him to let him know that even though I'm having troubles, he's in my thoughts... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...
Ok... WHATEVER... Anyway... I'm so doneeeeeeeeeeeee with his ass...
Which leads me to something good.. well.. Shit I don't want to spoil it, and nothing may come of it... but... I am dying to tell... so here goes...
I go to a gym that is halfway from my work to home, but with the beautiful weather lately, I had been dying to do my exercising like I used to do when it was springtime at the track with Brutus...
Well, I finally found one where I live and it is so cool.. It is at the middle school in our town and it's an actual track with the football field right in the middle and the stadium bleachers on the far right of the running track...
Anyway, Brutus is absolutely loving it... Well, when I first started going, there was this guy there walking too and the first time I saw him, he had on earphones so we didn't really make any conversation... but this 3rd time, he didn't have on the earphones and I was sitting on the steps during one of my "OH GOD WHY DO I SMOKE" rests, and he and I started talking...
He aint bad, curly black hair, a tad bit shorter than I would have liked, but as far as the body goes, he had on sweatpants so I can't tell of the below the waist parts, but the upper is "Purt Near Nice"...
anyway that's all I know because it's Friday and I won't go back again until Sunday because I'm leaving to go on a fishing trip which I'm so Psyched about...
I am SO ready to stretch out on the boat.. Smoke... Hear the sound of the lake... Listen to the sound of the line being cast out from my rod... Smell the 'Minnerwater'... for those that don't understand that, it's the water that the minnows are swimming in which are used for bait for catching crappy, ... I personally would rather used redworms, but my friend has reassured me on numerous occasions that "WE WILL BE FISHING WITH MINNERS DAMNIT"... I finally shutup about it...
Anyway here's hoping you and somebody significant get to go "Fishin'with Minners'"...
Peace...
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