Argghhhh I am so angry...
I'm trying so hard to understand why "beloved" does the things he does...
Well, let me just say that last night was quite nice with us on the phone and webcam talking to one another and it was so great to see his smile again... BUT...
When he called me today I asked if he had his children this weekend and he said no, so I asked him what he was doing and he said he didn't know... So I suggested me coming up there on Saturday...
Here's my total confusion... He said he might be going fishing with his friend... GRRRRRRRRRR... first off, I could understand if he had made big time plans, but in this case, they aren't set in stone as far as he described to me and so it isn't like he couldn't change his mind and decide to be with me instead... so in my mind it leaves me totally frustrated because all I keep thinking is that he doesn't want to see me... He did casually say "We'll see", but from past experiences with him, that is a stalling mechanism and usually doesn't pan out to be in my favor...
This keeps happening... This is where I keep running into a brick wall with him...
Sheesh, I came into work this morning all happy and singing, and then after talking to him, I'm downtrodden again...
Fuck it, there's nothing I can do if the boy don't wanna be with me...
I guess I'll just leave it alone and accept him as he is... What if he is seeing someone? Ok Ok... I'll just have to make other plans and forget about it...
65 days until my babies are home... CANNOT WAIT...
Peace!
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