I'm back.. Relaxed somewhat..
I had a great time baby shopping with my cousin while in Savannah.
"Boyfriend" and I are working it out supposedly! But unbeknownst to him, it isn't working on my end... I really want him in my life..No really, I do!!! I am willing to try as long as he is willing to but after work today I texted a cute little message:
"Hey baby can you meet me on cam tonight? luv you.. be home after gym"
what do I get in return? NADDA!!!!
That's not even the half of it. Today, I was feeling frisky, sent him a text saying:
"guess what I'd like to be doing to/with/in/on/under/above u right now?"
He sent: "what dear"... (WHO THE FUCK CALLS THEIR GF DEAR? I think he's mistaking me for his grandma!)
I sent back: "Am I disturbing you cause I really WANNA DISTURB YOU BABY IN ALL WAYS IMAGINABLE"
he sent back: nothing!
so I sent another one just to fuck with his head: "just remember how my nipples get so hard at your touch!"
he sent: zilch!!
then he calls me when he is leaving work which is about 2 hours before me and explains that his "boss" was around and that he couldn't mess around on the phone!!
So I beg of someone to just tell me... Am I imagining that this is going to hell in a hand basket? Of all the relationships I've been in nothing like this happens so quick.. I mean sure couples start to take each other for granted but damn, not in that HOT JUICY FIRST 3 MONTHS WHEN YOU COULD LICK EACH OTHER UP!!! Never at that time.. What the hell am I going to do?
We have so much going against us. Besides being 128 miles apart from each other, he has this life there that I'm really afraid will never include me because he has made no attempts whatsoever to invite me into it...
When we talked last he said that he would come be with me next weekend for Friday night through Sunday... Which is definitely cool, but that makes it 3 weeks before we get to lay eyes (and hands) on one another again...
He said I could come up his way this Saturday, but it's his son's birthday party and his nephew's birthday party so as I see it, it'd be me driving all the way up there, checking in a hotel around 3pm waiting on him to get to me probably around 9pm after he gets his children settled for the night, and then he'll fall asleep by 10:30pm at the latest, then he'll have to get up early to go to work by 7am...
That doesn't really constitute a good enough deal for me...
I really REALLY want to see him, and most likely any stolen moments I can get should suffice, but I can tell it will just leave me feeling empty and longing for more. Plus then he'll have to hear me whining and complaining that he could have done something in order to make more time for me since I made the long trip to where he is...
I'm thinking to avoid the conflict I should just forget the whole thing!!
breather: If you are still reading this, I'm really almost done... Don't curse me out too terribly bad.. QUIT shaking your head that I am rambling and read the "rest of the scoop" and then I'll shutup for a couple days I promise!
Ughhhh... I hate the way I have changed lately... It was so cool when I wasn't so in love with him, back not so long ago, if I sent him a text message, Y'all I swear he'd send 10 back.. And my one phone call to him would be him calling me back at least 3 times.. But now?
OH HELL NOOOOOO... Things have completely turned around.. His words to me were constantly hey beautiful, sweety.. UMMM NOPE! NO MORE! ... Oh scuse me.. one sweety the other night before he hung up the phone to go to bed... He seems to have a lot of anger in his voice when talking to me now, and patience doesn't seem to be a virtue for him either any longer...
Let's not forget that he used to sit for hours and talk on the phone with me, NOPE.. that's over, I get this now==>.. "Hey.. How was your day.. What are you doing.. What time you going to bed... Ok Goodnight" ...
I swear to the high heavens Y'all!!! It is like he said, "Well, I got her now, I don't have to do shit to keep her".. and he's right.. I'm so far into this that when I feel his voice rise in tone a notch because I've irritated him, I back down..
THAT IS NOT FUCKING ME.. FUCK THIS NOISE, I HAVE GOT TO BAIL BEFORE IT GETS WORSE!!!!
I want the guy that kissed the ground I walked on, I want the beautifuls and sweethearts...
What did I do wrong to get so dismissed upon by him all of a sudden???
Oh shit.. Was all that fake and now this is his true self? Not so long ago I remember "HIM" just like that.. But damn it took "him" 7 years to lay that type of personality on me!!!
He keeps saying we are fine, he might be fine but I"M SITTING HERE BREATHING FIRE OUT OF MY NOSTRILS!!!
I only know of one cure... Seek out the "Lust" of another.. But ooh what a fucking dilemma..
if I do that, I will lose him for sure.. He won't have me back for shit... But on the other hand.. If I'm doing it so I can get off of his case, ya know, get my mind off of being so wrapped up in him and what he's doing and not doing in this.. then, it could be justified as "helping" the relationship...
YESSSSSS.. Helping the relationship grow... That's it...
little devil on my shoulder shouting at me.. "yeah yeah.. thats a great plan"
my heart? not so much liking that plan...
GOD'S SINCERE PEACE!
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