Tuesday...

What good is a Tuesday really?

It marks no special conjuring up of memories. You can always remember a Weekend day or even a Monday because it starts the work week or even a Wednesday because it's Hump day! Damned if I can remember the last time I actually humped on a Wednesday.

Anyway, best friend and I have been talking a lot. Actually, I've been listening a lot and I have to say I'm not sure now that I should have told her that I had slept with her soon to be ex husband because now instead of acting crazy, she is turning totally bitter and I keep telling her to stop it because she is becoming ME and that is not good news at all.

She keeps saying that of all the people in the world she always felt good in the fact that she has never betrayed someone and has always felt like she could trust someone at face value.

Now all of that has changed. I asked her to explain to me how has it changed just by me telling her that we slept together. I was a piece of ass to him and he was a dick to me.

Yes I started having feelings for him because as I've said before I don't know how to separate sex from love.

All of my life, sex to me meant you loved someone and if a man was having sex with you it meant he loved you.

Yeah, I know what you are thinking, "Ya dumb bitch, men can fuck you and never have a second thought of it!"

I'm learning, but I keep falling into the same patterns...

Anyway, she says that her belief in people has totally changed and she hates the fact that now she will always feel that anyone who is nice to her is just out to hurt her or use her for their own devices.

THAT SUX cause that is exactly who I am and of all the people in the world, this girl doesn't need pain and bitterness like that. I hate like hell that I hurt her but I keep trying to explain to her that in general people are good people, kind hearted usually, but when you have "do the right thing" in one hand, and "MMM THIS IS A SITUATION I MUST HAVE," in the other hand, most of the time the selfish MUST HAVE will win every time.

I keep begging her to place all blame on me and take it off of him because really, me being the best friend and doing that is worse than what he did.

I guess we shall see, because she keeps thinking about it over and over which don't get me wrong, she has all rights to feel whatever she needs to feel. Hell, bitch at me, come kick my ass, but don't be kind to me.

It's eating me alive that I haven't had to face a consequence about this yet. DAMN a terrible thought just crossed my mind as I typed consequence.

What if all the women he's fucked has him eat up with Aids and shit and now I'm diseased? Damn I gotta go get tested and pray he hasn't spread anything to me.

Well, ya never really know right? You could be sleeping with the cleanest person in the world and inside they might have bugs we can only imagine crawling around in their blood stream!

Ok well it's late, I've talked about a whole lot of nothing.. Well nothing to you, Lots to me.. But as I always say, this is about ME... Always has been, Always will be!

God's Peace..