Men are dogs. I slept with one last night. He has about 4 hours to prove to me otherwise but as time keeps ticking by, I think he is going to end up in my mind just as bad as the rest of them. I wanted to Fuck the man, so I did. Either there will be more to the story or else there won't and either way, I'm cool with it.. I guess when you get almost 37, you say FUCK IT and WHATEVER and just go on with life!
CLEMSON KICKED ASS YESTERDAY! Bowden against Bowden!! Even though I didn't get there until well into the first quarter, it was ONE HELL OF A GAME! The crowds were a lot more subdued than the first game of the season that I went to, but nevertheless, there is nothing like Clemson Football. Amazing energy and all that orange I guess turns me the hell on which I guess made me end up fucking a man I didn't really think I'd end up fucking. He's been around for a while, in and out of my life, we had a nice time last night and I brought him home with me. Oh yeah, forgot I wasn't going to talk about it anymore.
I guess I should get to the most important thing, for those who have kept up with my blog and saw previous postings about me and roommate being fuck buddies. I deleted all of that because he was going to use that against me. After moving away and being able to distance myself from the situation I realize that I was used as normal but that is fine and dandy now because I allowed it to happen. Now for the last couple of weeks, he has tried to get my best friend (his estranged spouse) to fall for him again because he is getting kicked out of his house and the girl he's been seeing is getting on his nerves. I refuse to let him hurt my friend anymore. So I told her what we had done. I accept all the blame, even though I know I fell for his shit, and she knows it too. She's more hurt than mad, mostly because she knew what was going on in her mind but we kept denying it. My reasons for telling her is so she can actually get the fuck away from this man before he causes her real psychological damage because she is acting like a someone that I don't recognize and she has even said that he is driving her to do all the crazy shit she has been doing. Anyway, I have begged her to forgive me and I'm hoping she will someday but we have a long way to go. Maybe I shouldn't have told her, but I'm glad that finally she knows the truth. When she confronted him about it, he absolutely denied it. Stupid MotherFucker, why would I risk losing my best friend after 7 years by admitting to something that I feel completely terrible about? UGHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE HIM BUT MOSTLY I HATE MYSELF!
"HE" finally called a couple of times yesterday after not hearing from him for a couple of days. I now realize without a shadow of a doubt that he was just being friendly to keep me off his back. It worked, but I sent him an email bitching at him so he called to suck up again. Anyway, after tomorrow, he'll fade back under the rug until I have to deal with him again next month. COMPLETELY FUCKING AMAZING THAT I AM TRYING SO HARD TO NOT LET HIM AFFECT ME. I am actually getting numb in my heart where he is concerned. I guess Time does heal all wounds...
More later...
God's Peace!
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