It's 3AM damn why aren't I sleeping?

It's 3AM and I'm awake. I went to bed around 11pm but tossed and turned because my mind is so full. Shit, I have all these thoughts stirring around in my brain but can't seem to get them down on paper or rather blogger.

Yes, most of them are thoughts of him. I can't help it.

I want to figure out what is going on. I think what has happened is that I'm so used to us being icy to one another, that now that we have talked in a regular fashion after such a period of time, that I am blowing it way out of proportion and trying to analyze it into "starting something back up".

But y'all, he said and I quote, "I think I could open that door again but it has to be honest this time"...

I KNOW, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

My friends are begging me not to go there, not to get myself involved. I have got to pull myself together and realize that I am being played here. But what reason would he have to say these things to me now?

We've plugged along coldly these last few months and I've accepted it, Overall, he hasn't had any major problems out of me. I stopped with the drunken phone calls, I stopped confessing my love for him to anyone that would listen. I stopped thinking of him on a daily basis.

NOW WHAT DO I DO?

I know what I need to do, I need to wake the hell up and see that his "Being nice" isn't anything more than "being nice". That is it and that is all.

Ok... I am going to try and just take it for what it is.

He "still considers me a friend" he said to me as well.

OK whatever, I'm tired of trying to justify the means of this being something other than negative. Maybe he is trying to repair damage he has done in his life and he is including me and trying to make some sort of amends.

MMMMM and my what big amends he has... hahahha sorry... I'm an idiot...

Let me take my hopelessly romantic ass to bed.

As Grandma always said, It'll all come out in the wash... meaning time will tell...

Stay Tuned... Cause I swear if he jerks me around, if he indeed just was nice for his own benefit of the moment...

I'm going to TEAR HIS ASS UP... and I don't mean it in a naughty girl sex me up way either...

Night all!