Him again...

Just when I think I'm good.. I find out.. I'm not.. but first off..

Got some news today that my Cousin who's been trying to get pregnant for the last year and a half is going to have a baby. I am SOOO HAPPY FOR HER.. If anyone deserves to be a mother she does. It was so funny when we would have recent talks on the telephone and she'd say how sore her breasts were. Well duh huh.. now we know why...

Ok so.. after work today as I was rerouting my calls from work back to my cell phone, I saw I had a text msg. It was from "him".. I wrote back and added a sarcastic.. "Oh and I'm doing fine.. ty for asking".. Then he sent back a text disregarding that comment saying he'd just received a text from me..

So starting my drive home I'm like HUH? "Yeah I sent a reply to the text you sent to me".. finally he called to clear it up.. Come to find out he had sent that text sometime last week and my cell for some reason had just delivered it...

So with that very brief unemotional phone call, my afternoon suddenly took a nose dive and all I did was think of him for the hour and a half drive home.. Then of course.. I had to do the emotional torture phone call message to his voice mail..

I hate when I get so much crazy going on in my head that I have to vent it to his answering machine.. Nevertheless, I called.. he didn't answer.. I said some kind of emotional stuff about missing him and wishing he would just wake the hell up..

Finally got home.. grabbed the kids and Brutus and went to the track to walk it out.. well that is 4 miles of nothing but thinking too.. So then I had to call him again when I got home because I had thought up all of this profound, gonna make a difference, stuff to say to him... I'm telling you it's a vicious cycle..

He knows me though, he knows when I do that, that I am not expecting a response.. and he sure as hell isn't going to call and hash it out with me..

So forgive me if I'm gloomy and sad.. It's hitting me in the face that time is so precious.. and I've wasted alot of it.. on "him"..

an undeserving insensitive prick..

Ok i'm done.. Did I ever tell you about the time "he" and I... oh hell sorry.. I'm shutting up now...