Liver is a funny sounding word but a miraculous organ...

I have needed to keep up with a health journal since March but I haven't been doing it.  I'm going to attempt one today.

I can't help but wonder if having Liver Cirrhosis is different and much more debilitating than other diseases.

I had no idea the liver affected the mind, other parts of the body and overall spiritual health.

As such it has been recommended I be evaluated as a candidate for a liver transplant...
so it goes as a 3 day course of events
1st day being labwork, and psychiatric
2nd day being Ultrasounds, MRI's, Transplant team consult, PFT whatever that is
3rd day being Echocardigram, liver biopsy

so here we go... here's my current ailments...

I'm so tired, I'm always tired... My mind on good days wants to go go go but my body only allows me to do something and then I have to stop and rest as if I've worked a whole day of physical labor.

My mind gets fuzzy often... I say one word when I mean another in conversation and alot of times I just avoid people so I don't have to have a discussion because it's too much of a hassle to keep up with it.  I actually didn't know the dance of a conversation or they speak you speak you express emotions they express emotions require so much work...

My emotions are all over the place... I had this problem prior whereby I had alot of highs and lows but now I have alot of bitterness happening and I"m angry, tense and discouraged and weepy all of the time... sometimes when I feel good I remember there's a god and he has me every step of the way as he has proven time and time again...

My family, friends and acquaintances are mostly likely fed up with me... but I'm angry with them too alot of the time... "How dare they live their lives when mine should take center stage, I'm sick damnit"...

I gain weight so rapidly it's amazing... On March 2nd I weighed 261lbs...
upon release from hospital on my follow up appointment in April I weighed 229
I went to 261.8 on September 9th and 3 days later gained to 274.5
On September 27th I was 256lbs and today 13 days later I've gained to 265...

I drink gallons of water because I'm so thirsty
I've had a gazillion labdraws with September 5th having 15 vials taken from me... my bloodwork keeps coming back looking pretty good as far as expected with Cirrhosis...

I take water pills to get my poor shrek looking feet and ankles and legs and belly from swelling even further...

some days it works amazingly but last two times I've taken it I haven't had the frequent trips to restroom to pee... wonder what's going on there...

I have to take one horse pill twice a day to keep my toxins low, I also take a sugary sickening sweet syrup which grabs the toxins I do have and sweeps them out of my body through digestive tract...

I get sores all over my body that look like acne when the toxins are trying to seep out through my skin...

I throw up often if my body decides it can't handle digesting the meal

My nose bleeds alot due to having such low platelets which probably contributes to my exhaustion levels as well...

My hair had been falling out leaving me with bald spots and extreme thinning but they added some folic acid vitamins and that has helped tremendously...
 
I'm so swollen that even though I'll be first to admit addiction to food, yesterday I had 2 servings of red rice with turkey and chicken sausage and ground beef with onions, peppers and celery mixed in... lots and lots of water and some Werthers candies...

friday night I had graham crackers and 2 poptarts all day and then went to pizzahut and had salad bar and breadsticks for dinner...

i eat lots of fruit and salad and though I need to actually restrict myself intensely, I do not eat nearly like I used to do which is without a doubt the reason I'm in this shape now...

Cirrhosis has a stigma of alcohol and a risky lifestyle associated with it, I've seen people react negatively whenever I tell them I have liver cirrhosis and then I immediately feel the need to explain that I've never really liked the taste of alcohol and never did drugs except a little bit of pot in my life...

I feel so guilty having to call into work almost daily concerning how I'm going to be late because I can't get motivated... only sometimes getting to work and my boss walking by and seeing me zoned out or my head lowered grabbing 40 winks to get refreshed...

I feel the whispers of "she needs to go to bed earlier so she can get up",
"why doesn't she just give in and go on disability?"
"all she does is talk about how sick she is and her life is consumed with her health, she doesn't ever talk about anything else"...

well I can and have slept so much only to get up and do weekend chores and still wind up so tired...

I don't think tired is the right word, they call it fatigue... which I guess describes it better, but it's like I feel myself weak and run down and no life inside of me...

well that's all I got today...

God's peace to us all...