I'm sorry God...

Dear Son,

I hate you for what you've done to my life!

Since you were a small boy. I have tried and tried to manage your mentality by making excuses for you.

I chalked it off that you were "just being a kid", that you were "just being a boy".

Then it became the guilt over your father and I having a bad marriage.

I have blamed the fact that you are who you are by saying "he has his father and me together in him" and that makes up a totally evil person.

In being honest, I have to admit that I hate you!

I literally can't stand to look at you any longer and I wish that you would go to prison just so I could have some resemblance of a normal life back.

I am so sick of worrying about where you are, what trouble you are getting into!

If you are screwing the next door neighbor's daughter, or even the mother for all I know.

If you've managed to get the thugs you hang around with to come pick you up and y'all are out selling drugs or stealing.

What deal you are making with some innocent person by telling them lies about how you will get a certain item for them if they will pay you a certain dollar amount up front.

YOU ARE SO EVIL...

I pray and pray for peace in my life to come where I don't have to worry about the problems you have.

Lately I've become a prisoner in my own home because I have to avoid you and retreat to my bedroom so I don't take a frying pan or something and beat you to death with it.

I am so sick of making excuses to others now even avoiding talking about you to anyone because I am so ashamed of who you are.

I've contemplated how I could get a psychiatrist to prescribe you drugs that will turn you into a zombie that can't function enough to get into trouble like you have gotten into because I feel living in that type of situation would be far better than the one I live in now.

I wash your clothes, fold them and put them in your room only to have them the next day because you were too lazy to even put them up and just threw them back in the laundry basket.

You go get high on whatever drug you are doing, come home and eat up the groceries and then just leave the mess with no intention of cleaning up.

I have to scream and threaten to get you to help around the house in any way.

Your room is so disgusting,you have old food containers and empty soda cans, I have found packages of condoms and lotion in there and other things to the point that I can't stomach it and have to constantly close your door so I don't have to see it and try to not think about it.

I have searched endless hours on the Internet to find groups or forums that will help me and assure me that my son is not the only demon on this planet.

I have begged your father to take you back so I can get out of this and he adamantly refuses.

It used to sadden me so much to think that your own parents don't even give a damn what happens to you.

Shamefully, I am now at the point of not caring whether you are alive or dead and in some instances I pray for God to just take you because he is the only one that can save you from yourself.

The life you are going to be living unless you change by some miracle, if you make it to adulthood is so terrible.

I have spoken to you about Prison and how it won't be the matter of IF they jump you and rape you once you get in, it will be just a matter of WHEN.

In looking at your face sometimes I know that you think you are invincible, that nothing or no one will be able to break you from the attitude you have concerning who you want to be.

I have known so many like you. I was you, your father was you, I know so many that are dead because they were like you.

I see it coming worse than it is now and I swear to God in heaven I wish I didn't have be involved in any way, I don't even want to know about it or think about it anymore.

I know that you are too lazy to change, I know that you don't feel you need to change.

I know that you see yourself as cool and not having to listen to anyone.

I don't know how to help you anymore.

I have begged, yelled, bribed, paid, cried and prayed over this to no avail.

Now I am just watching, waiting, wishing, for the months to hurry by until you reach 18 years old, and I can tell you to get out of my house and my life and never look back to me for anything.

I am persecuting myself for these thoughts to an eternity in Hell and I know it!

But I am writing this letter in all honesty and these are the truest of my feelings whether good or bad.

Good Luck Son and i wish that the love I have for you was enough but there isn't enough love anywhere on this planet to save you.

Just so you know, in conclusion of this letter, that I have some life insurance for you and if- no sorry make that when you die...

you don't have to worry because I will have enough to bury you and then you won't have to exist anymore on this earth and create so much hell here for anyone.

Sincerely, Your fed up, At wits end, suicidal,numb, probably going to see you in hell, Mother...