It's Monday.. Ho Hum... Alot of the staff is on vacation this week...
I myself am not looking forward to an Easter weekend alone so I guess I'm going to go back down to Savannah. Let's hope someone else doesn't crash into my car again... I'm not really excited about going down there because my cousin was so moody with her pregnant self this last time and it just was not very enjoyable...
Oh well... Beats the alternative... DAMN I HATE BEING SINGLE...
Which brings me to a point of fact that if "D" wasn't such a mean asshole and would just wake the hell up, then he would realize that we belong together. Everything is such a mess with him these days... Get this: He tells me last Thursday that he and I are even because he spent the past previous Sunday night screwing some woman ALL NIGHT LONG as he put it... His answer to our problem is to go screw some woman... Not try and fix what is wrong with us.. Let me stop and insert something here...
I know that I write alot of redundant, repetitive things on this blog, but considering this is basically my journal, it helps me to figure out shit going on in my life... and right now, I have to figure out "D"...
It's probably been about 3 years now that I've known him... We met online.. thinking back on it I found him in a chat room and his profile picture was of a race car to which I asked if he had a picture of his face... I don't remember how it went from there but I do remember that "EX" has just left and I had just been starting to date after so many years of being married and the guy I had just recently dated wasn't working out (the norm of things to come)...
We kept setting up times to meet in person and for some reason or other we never got together ... After about 3 times of trying to meet him, I finally gave up and started visiting "HIM" and he fell into the "Friend" category... It was not easy because he would do alot of immature things to get my attention and deny them when questioned about them but I know now that everything from the songs he would play to my voice mail, to the messages, hangups, it was all "D"... It was when "HIM" and I started to get involved deeply that I told "D" to stay out of my life and leave me alone...
Then after "HE" went away, I somehow without even trying, stumbled across "D" again... I try to think of the moment when I fell in love with "D"... I knew I loved him before I admitted it to myself, and I guess I would have to say it was the night that he listened to me go on and on about some other guy that had hurt my heart ...
He was so kind to me, so patient and understanding... He seemed so unlike all the rest... He was so gentle and hated to hear me cry... We seemed to have the same persona within us.. We would call each other at the exact same moment, complete each others sentences but we still had not met in person... February 15th we got our chance... and as written on posts written back in February, It was so great... Now I would do anything to have another chance to start over...
Ok enough reminiscing ...
I called him Friday night very upset and asked him to plainly tell me he didn't love me to which he said that he loved me but he was not in love with me... I hung up...
He called me today and left a voice mail while I was away from my office... I had sent him an email earlier today and he was calling to say he received it... I wrote him an email in reply but didn't hear anything from him...
It's so plain to see that he doesn't give a shit about me... It's so obvious to everyone but ME...
oh well.. Another Monday come and gone...
God's Peace!
Denise
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