Last night, driving home, trying to get boyfriend to talk to me instead of watching his basketball game on tv, I realized this most certainly may not work for us...
He added today that if I am thinking I can change him, it isn't going to happen...
I don't really know why I can't be first priority in his life...
He thinks I am trying to jump the chain to get before his children and that most definitely isn't true but I won't come after television, I won't come after any other silly thing as such... This most definitely is stemmed from being married to a television addict... I can't help it.. I was allowed to talk during commercials back then and I refuse to go back to it...
Boyfriend and I just seem to keep spewing ugliness to one another in the form of conversation and it's not fun or enjoyable for me...
I swear I want this to work so bad but I'm really panicked because I just don't think it is in me...
I'm really scared to death that this is going to be the course of my life..
One failed relationship after another.. and Y'all this guy... MAN!! I have such high hopes for... I'm trying to get in his head and understand where he is coming from.. but..
I AM ME.. I CAN'T BE ANY OTHER WAY THAN THE WAY I WAS CREATED... what I can't seem to get across to him is that I am willing to compromise and meet halfway on reasonable requests... It hurts me because I want this so bad but I don't think he is willing to do the same in compromise...
My whole dream was to meet someone to do all the crazy things that couples in love do... but this is turning into him being miserable more than half the time and me too... then he says it is all my fault... he isn't willing to accept that he is not taking care of my needs as he should be...
I should not ever have to ask for attention... I am ATTENTION STARVED DAMNITTTTT.....
FUCK IT.. I can't think about this anymore.. My blog is pitifully boring and I apologize..
I'll come back when I think I have something worth sharing!
Why oh Why must I thrive on Chaos???
No comments:
Post a Comment