Back to Grind of things

I sincerely hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

I went to Savannah to see my family. It was nice, but watching everyone with their significant others and especially trimming the tree with their children made me miss my two even more. I don't want to miss another Thanksgiving or any other holiday for that matter without having them to share it with.

Which leads me back to a topic I have discussed before.

"what keeps you in place?"

I have no earthly idea what I'm doing these days, they seem to all be one big blur. I'm spinning in all directions never quite ending the day with something I can be proud of. Yes I get up and go to work everyday which is a blessing of course because some wish they could just do that.

I guess my biggest question is; What is it all for? What the hell is my purpose? I'm just getting by day after day and I can't help but think that I could be doing this same thing in Texas and get to see the children everyday and be involved in their lives on a full-time basis.

What is really strange is that I told "Him" that perhaps shortly I'd be out of his life forever and he would never hear from me again if I were to move to Texas.

Of all the things that do not make sense in my life, the one man that I know without a shadow of a doubt would kick his heels up if I were to disappear said,

"I don't see you living in Texas." and "I don't want you to disappear."

To which I am baffled beyond words because if you had the chance to get rid of something that reminds you of something bad in your past, just have it Poof and be gone with no recourse on your part, wouldn't you jump in and encourage the hell out of it?

It is beyond me that he said he wanted to "open the door" to us again in an honest way that is, and that he doesn't want me to move away, yet I haven't heard hide nor hair from him. Then again, it is for the best. Alright, I will get off of "him" for now.

Do you remember my friend that I have had a crush on for like forever? The guy from Germany who drinks like a fish? Well, he kinda asked me out in a round about way. He said on Wednesday before we were to leave for the holiday, "Why don't you come to the party on Friday?" At first I had forgotten what he was talking about, but then remembered my co-worker's birthday party was going to be that night. I told him I was going out of town and we talked briefly about other stuff, and then I told him to have a great holiday and he looked me over and said "You too, I'll see you Monday." Yeah yeah, I know I was making a big deal out of nothing, cause today, it being Monday, nothing much out of the ordinary came from him- well maybe a few extra smiles as we passed in the halls and such. Come to think of it, we did seem to catch one another in passing a lot today.

Damn I'm such a psycho. I always fantasize about shit that isn't even half way reality.

In other news, Kids are doing great, less than a month to go until I fly down for 2 weeks. I was going to let them fly here and spend their whole 3 weeks of vacation here, but I have yet to get their rooms completely finished. At least this way I have until Summer before I absolutely have to get on the ball to get the rooms done before they come home for break.

Well, I guess that's all folks.

Peace to ya!