Before you get too far, This is going to be a graphic interpretation of a sexual escapade gone awry. I'm sharing because it was funny but also because it is a plain example of who I am.
Friday night, met newest guy at Mexican restaurant near my new place. We were supposed to meet at 7:30pm, and at 7:15, he called..
guy: "hey, Time got away from me, can we meet at 7:45?"
me: "Sure no problem, I'll see you then."
So I went ahead to gas up the car and pulled into the restaurant thinking I had an extra ten minutes. So I grabbed my cell phone preparing to have a quick chat with a friend before he got there. All of a sudden, I hear; "Denise?" I turn around out of my window and here is this cute little... really little in size, guy about 5'8 with 1 inch boots on. So I hide my disappointment because it is the right thing to do and we proceed to dinner.
The conversation was good, great actually, he was a good conversationalist and soft spoken. He had really nice eyes but he never did compliment me on how I looked, or anything like that, which kind of bothered me. Anyway, after dinner, he asked if I wanted to go do something. So don't ask me, I don't know why, because I never bring dates to my house, but in this case, I did.
We rode into town in his car and rented 2 movies. Went back to my house, watched one movie and then talked until 4:30 in the morning. During some of our conversations, we talked about sex.
I finally asked him about his penis size. (I knowwww... But I tell yall, little hands mean little dicks and I had to find out).. So when I asked tactfully, "4 inches or 7 inches?", he replied, "Before or After?" I had no clue what that meant so I spelled it out plainly, "ARE YOU WELL ENDOWED OR JUST AVERAGE?" and he said plainly, "YES" in answer to the well endowed part, so my fears were laid to rest "for now"...
During our hours together on Friday night, he asked to kiss me a few times which I said, "No, I'm too shy."
Finally around 5am, he headed out and I walked him to his car. It felt right so facing each other, I moved in and he kissed me. It was nice. I was more shocked that we were actually face to face and his height seemed not to be too much of a factor anymore.
So here we are, cute guy, he is eye to eye with me, kiss went well, I went inside and slept.
Around 11am, I'm all happy, waking up, wanting to call him, cause y'all know that is what I do.. I get all up into people's kool-aid...
So I talked to a few friends and all of them said "NO, do not call him, let him call you." (BITCHES, I WANT TO CALL HIM DAMNIT) but I held off and about 2pm, he called.
I was at my old house gathering up some more things and missed his call. His message was; "Hey, give me a call when you get a chance". Well Hell YEAH, I ALWAYS HAVE A CHANCE WITH YOU LITTLE BOY...
So I did. and we set up to watch the other movie around 10pm.
10:25pm, he shows up, we watch the movie, some cuddling, some kissing going on. Nothing major. After the movie, we start drinking some vodka with sprite and mello yello chasers he had ran up to the store to get.
We start talking heavily about each other's wants sexually and he describes how the first few encounters with past relationships would be satisfying with the woman wanting to please but then after a few times, they basically don't try anymore to keep the excitement going.
His ideal woman would be dressed in THIGH HIGHS and LEATHER. While I listened to this, I was thinking to myself "MMMhmmmm, Never gonna happen from this bitch babydoll"..
So anyway, we are doing some heavy petting, he says, "lets go make love." Now I am NOT A SLUT.. I AM A DECENT GIRL.. but.. I gave in... Well... almost gave in... as you will see in a second.
Now usually, I am the one that will do a hand check of the guy's package to check things out. For some reason, it didn't happen that way. So really, I had no idea what to expect.
During one make out session on the sofa, he was on top kissing me and he suddenly rose up and I said rather upset to him, "DID YOU JUST UNZIP YOUR ZIPPER?" and he said, "uhh, no, I was just rearranging"... So I figured, Hmm, at least it's big enough to have to rearrange. Needless to say folks, I KINDA WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT PENIS SIZE... but I shoulda been...
We get to the bedroom... start kissing, he gets on top and then grabs my legs to pin them in his arms. Now any woman who has fucked, knows that when the guy is on top, she usually feels a hard dick against her crotch right before "point of entry". All of a sudden, I'm freaking out, I DON"T FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL.. OH god, here is this guy, about to try and stick a non-existent penis to me, Things were getting a bit awkward...
Now anyone who knows my sexual deal, knows that I have never let a man go down on me. Number one because I don't see what a guy gets out of it, and Number two, It's so intimate of an act that I plan on holding on to it and only giving it away to someone that really really is worthy of it... I know, just go with it...
Basically, No man is going to eat me until I know without a doubt that I am the most important thing in their life worthy of doing an act so intimate and bonding. (well, in my eyes it is so bite me)
So far, No one has ever made me feel that way. No not even my husband of 10 years.
Anyway, here is little guy, my legs pinned in his arms, thinking he's about to launch himself in me, I'm scared shitless because it's going to be awful with a little dick, and awkward and I'm going to laugh, and make him feel bad. NO, Instead, Do you know what he did? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE HAD THE GALL TO DO? KNOWING HOW I FELT ABOUT IT, AS WE HAD ALREADY DISCUSSED IT IN DETAIL,
He put his face down there. OH HELL NO.. so here I am thinking, ok, now I can use that excuse to end this thing. I am not having sex with this man! So I put my hands down there, covered my stuff up, and immediately say, "UNNUHHH... to which he says.. Uhhhhuhhh... then I got up, he moved away, I got dressed, and left him in the bedroom to get dressed. When he came out, he asked if I was ok and I said with pressed lips, "YEP". and Then I told him he should go. He left...
The kicker was, I called him the next morning telling him that we needed to talk about this, that I felt he had deceived me, and that he should call me.
Long story short, I asked him plainly.. "HOW BIG IS YOUR DICK?" He said, When it is hard, about 7 inches. So I said, then you plainly have an erection problem, because any man I've ever been with as soon as I touch their knee or something, they are hard as hell. He said that I was conditioned that way and that it took more for him than visual. So in his mind, to sum it up, he felt like it would be ok to still socialize but that in terms of a relationship to build on, that was not going to be happening. I told him I appreciated him talking to me and to take care of himself. and I hung up.
ANOTHER::: THE END...
Signed: destined to be alone for the rest of her life.
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