So this writing is supposed to let me vent my frustrations over being in love with a man that doesn't even know I'm alive and very therapeutic to be able to resolve my heartbreak and get past it... (YEAH RIGHT) but.. I'm trying.. I swear I'm trying...
Well I take a few of the above words back, he certainly knows I'm alive but he'd rather I wasn't because... uhh... well.. I'm not sure why he doesn't want me alive, but I know he would prefer never to have met me!
I'll go ahead and warn you on this one, I'm going to whine my ass off so you might want to skip ahead to some other blog that will hold your interest.
I said I'd get back from the beach all relaxed and then lay it down on paper, or in my case a space reserved just for me on the Web so here it is...
In a little less than two weeks from now It will have been a year since "HE" and I became lovers instead of just friends.
I try to regret it! I try to keep feeling resentment! I think unkind thoughts of him often! but it always leads back to the same thing.
I LOVE HIM... I WANT HIM... I MISS HIM TERRIBLY...
Why do I love him? A few reasons include, but are not limited to and not in any particular order of importance...
Once when we were in the heat of the moment he turned me over on my back, looked at me with such fierceness and yelled "THIS IS MY PUSSY! YOU GOT THAT?" Then he proceeded to try and create an abuse scene by slapping me across my face. Yet when I turned my face to the other side to hide and act like he had hurt me, he grabbed my face with both hands to make me look at him and with the saddest eyes he said, "aweee babyyy.. did I hurt you?" He was so scared that he had hurt me that he couldn't even be mean enough to roleplay a rape scene. (this got better in the future) IT WAS PASSIONATE... IT WAS RAW.. IT WAS REAL...
We were in the shower once and afterwards he allowed me to style his hair. Now I have to explain that here is this very professional guy, who never in a million years would be caught in a vulnerable position as such plus not to mention, "His" hair is like- I don't know, very important to him. He constantly runs his hands thru it and makes sure it is perfectly in place especially when he is nervous or anxious about something. It's so adorable. But on this day, There he sat on the toilet seat in the bathroom and let ME.. fix his hair. It was such a romantic thing to me as silly as it sounds, and I fell even more in love with him that day.
We were making love and I was trying with all my might not to let on that what he was doing to me was driving me insane. I tried not to show it but my body gave me away and I started shaking with an orgasm so intense. Then suddenly he laid his body over mine, wrapped his arms around me and said, "I've Got you"... It was such a precious tender moment that I've never forgotten or can forget no matter how hard I try.
WHY CAN'T HE STILL "GET" ME?
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