I talked with him on messenger this morning. He was as usual, cold and nonchalant. There was a time, when he seemed genuinely pleased and excited to talk to me and spend time with me.
Was he acting then and this is his true identity showing now? Oh man I am the fool aren't I? I got suckered in. God I am so angry at myself. I thought I loved him. I mean deep down I can't live without him in it "love". Oh shit! I just realized I must not actually know what love is.
God I need to quit whining. I am 36 years old. It's time to grow up and face the harsh reality that is this EARTH. People are most of the time out for themselves and any advantages they can achieve from using another person in whatever way necessary to make gains for themselves they'll do with no remorse whatsoever.
I guess we all go through life, suck out what we can from others and go on to the next person either consciously or subconsciously. I don't want to do that. I never want to do that yet I am probably guilty of that time and time again.
Why did I choose him to be the one that I focused on? Why did I choose him as someone that would validate me and make me feel complete? From this day forward I am going to try very hard to feel like a worthwhile person no matter who happens to be in my life.
I want to learn to be happy alone. What am I saying. I really want to meet someone wonderful that completes me and compliments my attributes. Whatever attributes I happen to have.
I mean I deserve LOVE don't I? I have alot of love to give someone. Where is the one that wants the love I have to give? Hell, I don't know if they exist.
Maybe I was transplanted here from another planet because I just don't get it.
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