Why Is HE still on my mind...

Y'all it's been so bad lately...

With all the shit going on in my life why in the hell do I keep getting drawn back to memories of "HIM"?

What is it that I want to say to "HIM"?
What could I say?

There really is nothing but for some reason I keep feeling unfinished business...

Uggghhh I am actually sitting here crying about it...

HE HAUNTS ME... I constantly dream about him...

All the terrible things that happened between us, all the awful words that were said and things that were done...

Why do I keep wondering if "HE" ever thinks about me?
Why do I keep thinking about "HIM"?

No matter how dirty and ugly it all was... I truly loved "HIM"...

No matter how pretty I tried to dress the situation or how grandly I tried to justify it... It was always one sided... Wasn't it?

What would it matter now to have the truth revealed to me?

I'm angry for still allowing his memory to penetrate my thoughts...

WHY?

I swear on my life I don't know why it never goes away...

Our lives are sooooo far apart now... The Children are almost grown... We are older... He has long ago moved on... In all actuality I have too...

Honestly, the question is- What would I do differently if I had to do it over again?

I wish I never would have looked up at him walking his child out of school that day...

I'm such a mess with this... As COB sings, "I can't get over you!"

It's been over 4 years... Almost ten years since it all began...

GOD PLEASE HELP ME TO MOVE ON... It wasn't lust... It was more than the human interpretation of "love"...

It was a fantasy wasn't it...

Dear God I don't want to believe that...


Denise