Clueless of what the future holds

I wrote "D" a really long letter last night, I told him alot of the things that I kept holding onto until I could tell him in person, but that chance hasn't happened so I wrote it in an email...

I don't know if he read it, but he sent a song to me today: "Limp Bizkit: Behind these blue eyes"... I am not positive what it meant but in reading the lyrics while listening to it, I gathered that the emotions he is feeling, which are all negative and vengeful, are all my fault... At least that is what I interpreted from the song... So I sent a brief reply that I understand and I'll do my damndest to not contact him anymore but that if I do have a weak moment where I do make contact sometime in the future then he should just ignore it... It's going to be hard as hell because I found out a little too late that I REALLY DO LOVE THAT MAN...

So y'all forgive me if I need to stay in my pity pot for a while before I can learn to live with it... so to you "D" my reply to your song...

Chicago: "Your A Hard Habit To Break"...

Moving along in the course of the week, yesterday morning as I was rushing to get into work, I am almost to the main entrance and I hear someone whistle at me... I thought it was one of my co-worker girlfriends because I had on a dress but as I got to the door and put my ID next to the scan machine I saw "married man's" SUV pull up... I acted like I didn't see him and walked briskly into the building and then into my office... I haven't a clue if he wanted to talk to me, and I'm assuming since no one else was around that it was him that was whistling at me but "DUDE... You are MARRIED go whistle at your wife"...

hmmm lets see what else... "short guy" is that what I called him? the guy who.. Oh ok I checked prior post and it's "Shorty" .. ok so "Shorty" called me about 7:30 this morning but I was in the shower and didn't feel like talking to him so early and also quite disappointed because it wasn't "D" but anyway, I listened to "shorty's" voice mail as I was driving to work and he said, "Hey Denise, looks like we are playing phone tag, so you're it"... I called him later this morning and left him a message and he called me back at lunchtime... we talked a little while and he told me he was actually going to be playing in a golf tournament this weekend near me so he was going to call me on Saturday afternoon to get together after he plays... NO, I PROMISE I AM NOT GOING TO GET INVOLVED.. It isn't like that, he is a friend... I love "D" plus the kids are coming in a few weeks and I don't want to get involved with anything other than them while they are here...

Ok so that's it...



Hey.. Why do y'all think "D" is SO BITTER AND ANGRY and can't forgive me? A better question is why would I want to be with someone that harsh?

Hmmm...

God's Peace!



Denise